When Will It Get Easier Than This?

I know that being without you is hard. 

But being with you was just as hard and sometimes even harder...

Yet...here I am, still very much hung up on you. 

And still very much in love with you. 

Stupid...stupid girl.

Word of the day: Saudade

I miss you Goo...

Places we visited remind me of you. 

Songs we used to listen to together remind me of how big our love was.

Pictures of us remind me of how good we really were together. 

I have been broken hearted before...

But nothing compares to this pain that I'm feeling right now. 

I know that living my life without you won't be easy. 

But I didn't know that it would be this hard. 

I'm in agony. 

But I can't say nor show anything to anyone which makes everything twice as hard. 

Word of the day: Saudade. 

Look it up...

That word pretty much summaries what I'm feeling. 

I thought that letting you go was the hardest thing that I have to do. 

I was wrong...

Cause this pain....no words can ever describe. 

I wish you well dear Goo. 

Once Upon a Time in Spring 20XX

When flowers began to bloom in One faithful afternoon of Spring 20XX, so did our love. 

They bloomed with big dreams and high hopes. 

We nurtured and protected it with every fiber of our being. 

Hoping we could harvest it one day (soon). 

But little that we know, it is not as easy nor simple as we thought it would be. 

Challenges after challenges, obstacles after obstacles...we tried to conquer each and every one of it. 

Maybe we are both too tired to put on a fight. 

Maybe our strengths are no longer remain. 

Maybe...it is time to call it a quit. 

Maybe it is time to accept that there are somethings that can not be mended. 

And no matter how hard we've tried to fight the changes happened, it is just beyond our limit. 

Maybe it is time to stop fighting those changes and finally accept that we have lost this battle. 

Maybe it is time to call it a quit. 

The Hardest Note

Sometime loving someone doesn't mean to have that someone. 

Sometime it means to let go and let him be happy. 

Even if you're not the reason for that happiness. 

And if you do let go, then it means that you're a bigger person. 

Or trying to be at least...

Soundtrack of The Day - 30 Oct 2015

Stay Just a Little - Kina Grannis

"I heard it in your voice when your love died

On a telephone connection spinning miles and miles of wire

You said it was over and I cried and cried

You were gone before I said goodbye

And I don't like to think it is true

The distance came between us like a knife that cut through

When did we go wrong and let it all undo

The only one I ever loved was you

Would you stay just a little my love

Would you just wait just a little my love

Cause the hole in the middle of my heart needs fillin' up

If you stayed just a little that's enough

It kills me as I lay awake at night

Remembering the last kiss that we shared doesn't feel right

Is it impossible for me to win this fight

Keep you a little a longer in my life.

Would you stay just a little my love

Would you just wait just a little my love

Cause the hole in the middle of my heart needs fillin' up

If you stayed just a little that's enough

Would you stay just a little my love

Would you just wait just a little my love

Cause the hole in the middle of my heart needs fillin' up

If you stayed just a little...

If you stayed just a little... that's enough"

Say Something I'm Giving Up On You

Dear Goo,

What should one do when all hopes and faith that one has are hanging on a thread?

Should one keep holding on? Or should one just let go?

What reason do I have to keep holding on?

When all signs and things seem to told me otherwise?

Love, you say?

Is it enough?

I'm not a quitter...I never am

But let's be logical here...

One has its limit, I've told you this. 

And I almost reach mine...

The most painful truth is...

I'm not happy being with you anymore.

Maybe this is never a battle that I'm suppose to fight for...

Yours?

Jane

Is It Just My Feelings or Is It Not?

My Goo,

Maybe it's the distance 

Maybe it's the busy schedules we both have

Maybe it's the nature of our relationship which is so complicated right from the get go

Maybe it's only my worries of losing you

Hmmm....I don't really know why...

But...I feel like you're slipping away from me

And no matter how hard I've tried...you feel so out of reach from me

Even further away with every passing day

Those small things that you used to do

The little things that seem insignificant to others but those could always melt my heart in an instant

Those small things...are now only distant memories

I never see those, never feel those, never experience those anymore 

I told you once before: "I want you to fight for me, for us. I want to see those efforts from you."

Unfortunately...I never see those either  

Is it just me? Or is it not?

What is going on Goo?

Are we becoming those couples who drifted apart and just went on our separate ways without even any goodbye?

Yours in despair,

Jane

Soundtrack of The Day - 10 Aug 2015

This is exactly how I feel today...

Jauh - Afgan

"Kau jauh

Mengapa t’rasa begitu jauh

Padahal kau ada di depanku

Tapi tetap terasa jauh

Setiap kali ku tatap dirimu

Kau buat ku sadar akan sesuatu

Kalau bayang diri ini 

Tak pernah ada di kedua matamu"

Our Milestone in a Form of a Medley

"Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop - Landon Pigg"

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

Yes there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you. 

"Jatuh Hati - Raisa"

Ada ruang hatiku yang kau temukan

Sempat aku lupakan kini kau sentuh

Aku bukan jatuh cinta namun aku jatuh hati

Ku terpikat pada tuturmu, aku tersihir jiwamu

Terkagum pada pandangmu, caramu melihat dunia

Kuharap kau tahu bahwa ku terinspirasi hatimu.  

"Mine - Petra"

Girl your smile and your charm

Lingers always on my mind I'll say

You're the only one that I've waited for

And I want you to be mine. 

"Love Someone - Jason Mraz"

Oh, ain't it nice tonight we've got each other

And I am right beside you

More than just a partner or a lover

I'm your friend

When you love someone

Your heartbeat beats so loud

When you love someone

Your feet can't feel the ground. 

"Knocked Me Out - Afgan"

Tlah kutemukan sebuah cinta yang kunantikan
Ternyata engkau yang slalu kutunggu..hiasi hatiku
Baby, you knock me out

(Tak bisa ku jelaskan) Betapa indah sanubarimu
(Sungguh luar biasa) Untuk diriku..kau mengubah hidupku
kembalikan rinduku.. Baby, you knock me out

Could this be that real love I've been missing? before I've met you
You're out of this world, my kind of girl..you knock me out. 

"Missin' You Like Crazy - Us The Duo"

When we're not together I think about you all the time

I keep your picture in my wallet to remind me that you're mine

Life is not worth livin' unless you're right here by my side

I'll love you now and forever and until the day I die

Tired of being alone, calling you on the phone

I'd rather have you here with me. 

"Love Is You - Ten2Five"

Let me love you
With all my heart
You are the one for me
You are the light in my soul
Let me hold you
With my arms
I wanna feel love again
Cuz I know
Love is you

"I Will Wait For You - UsTheDuo"

No one can choose who they fall for

Or when they fall, or how they fall, or why

I, well I fell for you and I must wait

it's only a matter of time

I will wait for you my darling

and I will wait for you. 

"Take Me Home - UsTheDuo"

I'm only happy when I'm with you

Home for me is where you are.

I try to smile and push on through.

But home for me is where you are.

They tell me that I'll make it.

It'll only be a while.

But a while lasts forever

Without you...

Send out the alarms

I'm all alone

Wrap me in your arms

Take me home

Take me home

To your arms...

I won't be happy 'till I'm with you

Home for me is where you are.

These four walls are nothing without you.

Home for me is where you are.

Soundtrack of The Day - 12 April 2015

Raisa - Jatuh Hati

"Ada ruang hatiku yang kau temukan
Sempat aku lupakan kini kau sentuh
Aku bukan jatuh cinta namun aku jatuh hati

Ku terpikat pada tuturmu, aku tersihir dirimu
Terkagum pada pandangmu, caramu melihat dunia
Kuharap kau tahu bahwa ku terinspirasi hatimu
Ku tak harus memilikimu,tapi bolehkah ku selalu di dekatmu

Ada ruang hatiku kini kau sentuh
Aku bukan jatuh cinta namun aku jatuh hati"

Am Going Home

Dear Goo,

I finished the trip and am going home tomorrow, finally...
I wanna see you, can we?

Something bothering me today.
I have this aching feeling deep within my heart, that something bad is gonna happen.
And I can't seem to shake it off
It's bothering me...it really did.

I wanna see you...
Please Goo.

Yours in despair,
Jane

Will You Goo?

Dear Goo,

Another day in the airport...am beginning to hate this.
You're in town but am out of town, well...that sucks.
Makes us value every chance we can get of being together, huh?

I can't sleep last night, being in a different city every single night really gets me hard.
This is worse than a jet lag, am disoriented, forgetting of what city I am now at.
And I miss you terribly...so, dunno why, I re-read our old messages, back to the beginning of our story. Feels like time traveling.

In a way, I guess that I needed it...
Cause my heart begins to weaken and faded.
It's not that my feelings for you have changed or anything.
It just tired I think.
Tired of being lonely, tired of being apart from you, tired of facing everything by my self.
I'm not used to it, I'm not equipped to this kind of relationship.
Cause I never been in one.

We both know that it would be hard, right from the beginning.
I know that it will be hard but maybe I just thought that it may not be this hard.
To be honest with you Goo, I lost faith sometime and considered of giving up.
But...when I look back and think about everything, about you, about us...I found a little piece of courage and it made me wanna fight some more battles.
I want you...that simple.

I'm willing to face pretty much anything.
I'm willing to deal with any kind of heartache.
I'm willing to fight.
I really wanna make us work.

What about you Goo?
Will you face it with me?
Will you deal it with me?
Will you fight this with me?

I love you Goo...with every fibre of my being, I love you too much, I don't wanna lose you.

I gotta go now, time to catch another flight.
Talk to you soon.

Yours in despair,
Jane

Live : From 23.000ft Above The Ground

News update from 23.000ft above the ground : we're happy. 

Yes...indeed we are. 

One of those perfect weekend getaway. 

Stealing time from our daily routine, it's nice...something new, something different. 

Hhmmm....it's....something. :)

Our ups for today : maximum time for us and us alone. 

Our downs for today: it's time to go back home. Welcome back real life. 

But hey...no biggie. We're still grateful..

Every moment, every second counts. 

From up in the air *flying above the clouds* we send you our love,

Jane and Goo

Our First Fight

This is the story about our first fight. 

Just like any other couples, we had our low moments too, we fight. 

But in our case, we'd like to avoid any kind of fight in anyway possible. 

Cause we have very limited time to spend together, so why spoil it with arguing, bitching and fighting. 

But it's bound to happen...and it did. 

Goo was on his week off and in town for a week but fate was not in our favor at the time, I had to leave town for a few days. 

So we decided to spend a day together right before my departure date. 

I took a day of leave from work so we'd have more time. 

He got caught up with work and said that he'd be running late. 

And so I've waited...and waited some more...a lot more actually...like 5 hours to be exact. 

I really don't like waiting, cause it's a completely waste of time in my opinion. 

But for him, I don't mind...but not for 5 hours...my patience was running out. 

I exploded with fury by the time he finally showed up. 

I said all the things that upset me and said that I need time to cool off. 

He sat under a tree and I walked around the park aimlessly, literally walked around the park, like round and round. 

And once I've cooled off, I walked back towards him then said...

"Okay, am calm now. Let's talk"

What he said afterwards really took me by surprise...

"Fun fact...it took you 884 steps for you to finally calm down"

"You were watching me?" I replied. 

"Of course...I worried you might fall down or something"

*Note to readers : I was a bit drunk at that time after having few cocktails while waiting for him.*

"But....I thought that you were playing with you phone" I responded. 

"No...I was just holding my phone so you'd thought that I was busy with something. I didn't take my eyes off of you the entire time you walked around the park" He explained. 

"And you were counting my steps, why?" I asked. 

"I don't know why either. I just did" He answered. 

You see...Goo can be very unattentive most of the time but then he would do something like that and took me by surprise. 

And with that...I instantly forgot about wasting 5 hours, totally forgot about my anger and I kissed him. 

That 884 steps that matter...

That unexpected acts that he did sometime...

That small things...

Melt my heart and he wins my heart over and over. 

Cheers,

Jane

Bring It On

I've been away for too long from this blog. 

Some kind of a writer's block you may call it. 

Or maybe, I'm just not feeling that cheesily romantic... :)

It has been a very hard few months for Goo and I. 

Our workloads are crazy beyond believe. 

And despite stealing a little time here and there to have our quality time, somehow...it's still hard for us. 

But I guess that what makes our relationship stronger. 

Cause long distance relationship makes every problem even more complicated. 

A little miscommunication can lead us to a fight. 

This relationship makes us wiser, more mature and more considerate towards each other. 

We often set aside our ego and make compromises cause we think that it's the key. 

I'm grateful...for every ups and especially downs that Goo and I have. 

If it means that we need to work twice as harder compare to anyone else, well then...bring it on. 

We're ready...!

Cheers,

Jane

Happy Happy Happy and Three More Times Happy

Someone asked me not so long ago. 

"Are you happy Jane?"

It was difficult for me to answer that in a heartbeat. 

Considering a lot of things, how can one be trully happy really?

Human being never felt satified of anything they have. 

I always thought that I will be happy if I can make the people I love happy. 

But, how can we ever make them happy if we are not happy ourself?

So the key of happiness is only ourself right?

I realize something today...

Simple things in my life made me realize that I AM happy...

So, to answer your question :

Yes, I am happy. 

That simple. 

Yours,

Jane

Addicted to You

My Goo,

I found my self missing you yet again

I think that I'm addicted to you

That simple... :)

How's ur day off?

Filled with endless sleep and video games, am sure...

Enjoy ya dear...you need the stress release

Just remember me every now and then

I love you so...

Yours,

Jane

One Fine Day

My Goo,

One fine day in the park. 

That sentence is enough to summarize what I feel about our day together. 

Thank you for such a marvelous day. 

I'm happy...we're happy :)

Happily yours,

Jane

A Time To Kill

My Goo,

Today has been a very long day.

The final moments are usually the hardest.

Can't stop counting the hours now...

Just less than 24 hours away in meeting you!

Aaaahh....this feels so surreal.

I don't know how but things seem to be in line,

Everything just falls on its track.

Everything just line up.

I'll see you real soon, okay...?

I love you and I miss you to my boiling point.

Yours,

Jane

Great News From Somewhere in Between

My dearest Jane,

Great news...!

Got my ticket, am coming home dear...

Can't wait to see you. 

Very much looking forward to know what you have planned for us :)

I will see you real soon, okay?

I love you so much...

And I miss you terribly.

Counting to the day,

Goo